| When my grandfather died, the first question that | | | | which is a fine thing. In the process though, they |
| crossed my mind was, "Shall we ever, as a | | | | may also urge you to forget all about the past, |
| family, be able to smile again? | | | | and start letting go. Now letting go is not such a |
| He was a very kind man, a sweet and loving man | | | | bad thing, it could mean giving up all our |
| who also happened to be a retired Captain of the | | | | unrealizable expectations and all of the things we |
| Armed Forces of the Philippines, a proud veteran | | | | cannot do anymore. But to forget all things |
| of the USAFFE in World War II. I loved him - | | | | completely - to do so would be to start cheating |
| very much, and regarded him as my very own | | | | on our true feelings for our beloved who passed |
| father. He used to carry me up his shoulders | | | | away. |
| when I was but a little girl. I never saw him mad. | | | | We can't just act like we had amnesia all of a |
| He was always calm and gentle, but with that | | | | sudden. We can't pretend that the things that |
| certain kind of strength in him that never needed | | | | happened didn't happen, and that the precious |
| to be boasted about anymore. Maybe this kind of | | | | moments we've spent with our loved ones don't |
| admiration was the source of my childhood dream | | | | mean anything to us anymore. Something |
| of being a lady cadette officer. Well, I didn't realize | | | | happened in the past. Souls touched in the past. |
| that dream, but in my heart I knew I've acquired | | | | Lives changed. Souls were inspired. |
| that kind of courage he had, and it sort of stayed | | | | Our grief is only amplified with the thought that |
| with me through the years. | | | | we are forever parting with every remaining |
| I also admired the kind of love he cherrished with | | | | essence of our loved ones. That's what makes |
| my Grandma. Something that lasted for fifty | | | | our mourning even worse, to believe that we are |
| golden years, the 50th year being the year of his | | | | forever losing that part of our lives that changed |
| demise. I often told myself that theirs was the | | | | us and made us happy. Don't throw it all away. |
| kind of marriage I fervently pray to have - | | | | When inspiration comes upon you, they need not |
| simple, sincere, lasting, abounding in love, courage | | | | leave. They never leave. They inspire us forever. |
| and understanding. The day my Grandpa died, my | | | | When my Grandpa died, I thought it was the end |
| heart broke, not only for my own grief, but for | | | | of the wonderful love he had with Grandma. But I |
| the grief of seeing such a blessed marriage come | | | | was wrong. It did not end there. It cannot be |
| to a sudden end right before my eyes. | | | | ended that way. Up to this moment, I am still a |
| How indeed are we going to go about our lives | | | | witness on how true love is kept alive in the |
| after his passing? How do we spend our late | | | | hearts and minds of those who carry on the |
| evenings without his stories? How do we | | | | radiance of its warmth. |
| celebrate Christmas without his jolly smile? | | | | 5. Think of the legacy they left behind |
| The seat he occupied at dinner will remain vacant | | | | I've always thought that when our loved ones go |
| thereafter. The sight of him and Grandma | | | | away, they take a part of ourselves with them. |
| embracing each other after a petty quarrel will be | | | | It's like a part of us withers away and dies. We |
| nothing more but a sweet memory to look back | | | | feel like an arm or a leg had just been taken |
| to. | | | | away and we can never be whole again. We feel |
| The funny thing was, I never really considered | | | | we are lesser people than we used to be. We |
| him old. He had always been strong and healthy | | | | then wonder why people had to meet at all only |
| and happy. I thought he'd always be there, for | | | | to be separated in the end, only to feel broken |
| me, for my Grandma, for everyone who has | | | | and incomplete. |
| ever gotten to know the wonderful person he is. | | | | But then I've also learned that when people |
| But I guess death is like that. It takes from you in | | | | become part of each other's lives, their lives |
| an instant the people you've cherrished for a | | | | become richer from the whole new world opened |
| whole lifetime. Just like that. As simple as that. | | | | before them by one another. They gain a new |
| And you are suddenly left with two things: anger | | | | perspective, they get a deeper understanding of |
| for having been deprived of your beloved for no | | | | themselves, they learn new skills and hobbies, |
| reason at all; and emptiness, a vacuum that | | | | they discover new places, they get to love a new |
| gnaws right at your heart where all the joyful | | | | song. Each one leaves a mark, a precious legacy, |
| moments once had been. | | | | a part of their very selves to the people they |
| And how will it be for people who have lost not | | | | love. |
| only their fathers, but mothers, children, both | | | | Even after their lives together had ended, even |
| parents, lifetime partners who spent their lives | | | | after one has gone and passed away, that part |
| through thick and thin, who dreamt together and | | | | they have given to us will remain. Because when |
| journeyed together and found meaning in each | | | | people become a part of us, a part of their own |
| other's lives? | | | | souls remain in us, forever enriching us, and we |
| How are we to begin grieving for them? Where | | | | are never the same as before. |
| could we ever find the tears to weep, tears that | | | | My Grandpa had been gone for 16 years now, |
| will pour out and cry in behalf of our torn and | | | | but the things he left me, the imprint he left in |
| shattered hearts? | | | | my soul will always be there, guiding me through |
| 1. Cry | | | | my journey ahead. Love of country, courage, |
| Find those tears. Try to let them out however | | | | dignity, love of family - these are the things I will |
| painful the process is. Let them out. Let them | | | | always be thankful for. |
| pour showers that will cleanse away every bit of | | | | 6. Schedule activities that help vent out your |
| darkness and bitterness from your heart. | | | | emotions |
| Shy not from crying out aloud. You have every | | | | You cried, you wept, you wailed. But as you miss |
| right to be heard, and all the right to be hurt. No | | | | your loved one more painfully with the passing of |
| one's going to stand in your way even if you wail. | | | | each day, you feel the emotions within you |
| Let your cries rise up to the clouds, unto the ears | | | | continue to surge, emotions that need to find a |
| of heaven who understand what sorrow mortal | | | | proper outlet to let go. |
| men go through in this valley of tears. | | | | Scedule those activities with a friend that will |
| Cry for the pain of parting. Cry for the sad | | | | encourage you to perform them:-Play badminton, |
| mornings that will greet you without your lover's | | | | let go of all the hurts you feel everytime you hit |
| arms. Cry for the words that shall remain | | | | the shuttlecock. Hit it hard! Hit it as far as you can. |
| unspoken and unheard. Cry for the places you will | | | | -Run the treadmill. Everytime you feel the urge to |
| never be able to walk together anymore. Cry for | | | | escape, walk tirelessly. Walk like you never |
| the dreams that will remain as dreams. Cry for | | | | walked before. Run. Run and release the pain you |
| the memories that will remain as memories. Cry | | | | keep within you. |
| for the hand that can no longer caress you. Cry | | | | -Swim, imagine your tears being washed away. |
| for those eyes that can no longer see your tears. | | | | Do your most powerful strokes, and glide away |
| Cry your heart out. Because the truth is - it hurts, | | | | from all the expectations the world thrusts upon |
| and it really hurts so much! | | | | your shoulders. Just make sure a trusted friend |
| 2. Forgive | | | | and lifeguard is watching over you, okey? |
| There are many things we don't want to admit in | | | | -Grab a crayon and a sketch pad. Draw the |
| times like these; things we believe would only | | | | abstract feelings you can't and don't want to |
| dishonor the memory of our loved one, or things | | | | decipher at the moment. Draw in hard wild |
| that would dishonor us before their memory. But | | | | strokes. Then tear the sheet in pieces. |
| unless we deal with these things, we would | | | | 7. Replenish your soul |
| always be burdened by things that should have | | | | Once the strong feelings begin to subside, |
| been buried with passing of our loved ones.a. | | | | replenish your soul with activities that promote |
| Forgiving our loved ones | | | | peace, wholeness and a fresh beginning. |
| People are not perfect. No matter how much we | | | | -Plant a seed and watch the new plant emerge |
| love them or no matter how good they are, they | | | | from the ground from which it was buried. |
| may have hurt us at one point or another. They | | | | -Take care of a chick and help it grow into a hen. |
| may have judged us and disappointed us. We | | | | You can even enjoy the eggs she will lay for you |
| have to admit how they failed us, and then | | | | later! |
| forgive them with a forgiveness that comes out | | | | -Watch a sunrise with a trusted buddy. See how |
| of the generosity of our hearts. We know that | | | | darkness transforms into a magnificent rising of a |
| we do not have time anymore, we can no longer | | | | brand new day. |
| wait for them to see their faults and ask our | | | | -Travel somewhere you've never been to. Get to |
| forgiveness. So we forgive them. We let them go | | | | know the locals and try to enjoy their way of life. |
| with no bitterness in our hearts.b. Forgiving | | | | 8. Give yourself time to adjust and recover |
| ourselves | | | | It will take time for you to carry on your usual |
| When our loved ones pass away, there is always | | | | routines each day. Just be patient with yourself. |
| a feeling of guilt left in us - how we haven't loved | | | | One day survived is one day of battle won. The |
| them enough, how we could've saved them, how | | | | more days you survive, the more confidence you |
| we could've made them happier. But when we | | | | will gain that you will make it. |
| come to think of it, how much more could we | | | | If it's really difficult for you, you can try to write |
| have really done though? Even if we could've | | | | letters to your loved one as though you were |
| made a difference, could we be able to turn back | | | | only miles away. |
| the hands of time? | | | | This will help you cope with the abrupt change of |
| Forgive yourself. Admit your faults, go to | | | | suddenly not being able to talk with your loved |
| confession, slap your face hard, observe fasting | | | | one. This will also help keep your life in check as |
| for a week, shave your head even! But don't | | | | you literally report what you're doing with your |
| punish yourself forever for being unable to make | | | | life. |
| the proper retribution. You can no longer do that. | | | | 9. Think of the legacy you wish to leave behind |
| It's not your fault anymore. Blaming yourself could | | | | The torch has been passed on to you. Your life |
| never earn for you the forgiveness you so desire. | | | | has been made richer by the legacy you received. |
| If you can't be content in praying for forgiveness | | | | What do you do now with what you have? What |
| alone, if you really believe you still have to do | | | | legacy do you want to leave behind to the people |
| something to be forgiven, then do this - love | | | | that matter most to you now? Remember that |
| those people still within your reach. Do this, and | | | | you are now a different person by having been a |
| you'd have earned more than forgiveness; you'd | | | | part of someone's life. Everything you do, any |
| have loved. Love heals. Love forgives. | | | | difference that you make in this life is not only |
| 3. Deal with the pain one day at a time | | | | because of you, but also because of the one who |
| Grieving for our loved ones who passed away is | | | | loved you. When you leave your mark unto this |
| probably one of the most painful things we'll | | | | world, you leave a mark formed also by every |
| experience in life. Deal with it one short day at a | | | | person that truly touched your life. |
| time. Don't think of the whole 25 or 50 years | | | | 10. Believe that God will see you through |
| ahead of you. Just think of today, and of all the | | | | God knows your grief. He weeps with you. He |
| support being given you just where you are. It is | | | | hopes with you. He cares for you so much that |
| times like these when we get to know who our | | | | He willingly died for you to conquer death forever |
| true friends are, people willing to extend their | | | | and to give you the perfect and eternal life He |
| hands and their hearts to help see you through. | | | | wants you to enjoy. Things have not ended here. |
| Accept the help given you, and you'll make it | | | | They have only just begun. Take heart! He will |
| today. | | | | see you through. It is Jesus Himself who said, |
| 4. Honor/ treasure their memory | | | | "The girl is not dead but asleep. |
| Many people will suggest to you to move on, | | | | |